Another Way of Thinking
ketchup smoothie

If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

I changed my password to “incorrect” so whenever I forget it the computer will say, “Your password is incorrect.”

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I’m great at multi-tasking – I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 percent don’t care and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?

Police car flashing lights

Isn’t it ironic that the colours red, white and blue stand for freedom, until they’re flashing behind you.

I hate when people use big words just to makes themselves sound perspicacious.

Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they’re at home when you wish they were.

Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it’s been doing is gathering dust.

Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.

I’ll bet you $4,567 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

If you keep your feet firmly planted on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.

two boys smiling

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.

I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me.

I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

Money is the root of all wealth.

No matter how hard you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

Take my advice – I’m not using it.

At 13,257 hectares in area, Lake Wanapitei is the largest city-contained lake in the world.

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contact: colin@southsidestory.ca

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